winds of change

i am not sure if am the only one that seems to feel them, those strong winds of change. lately, more and more i can feel them pushing me harder toward something. what that something is i am not sure of at this time. perhaps it is time for some changes to occur in my life. it is not as if my life is so bad, i suppose it could do with some improving here and there. there is a lack of challenges and a creative starvation i have been experiencing.

i guess it comes down to my ability to control what happens to me. i have been dealing with this for a little while now. control, what is that exactly? "a spirit presumed to speak or act through a medium," dictionary.com. what does that mean? i may not be able to control everything, what a job that would be if even i could, but i can control a lot of how i deal with things. this, i think i am trying to work at becoming better at doing.

one example of this is our relationships with others. i asked a friend of mine the other day, where do we find the time to enjoy one another with all the jumping conclusions and making of accusations? i have done this myself and even repeated the behavior. wouldn't it just be easier to have faith in the people we meet? no matter how good things are or how questionable they become we often find a moment or two where we wonder...what is real and what is not? is this for me? is this what i want? is this what i think it is?

i could completely be off base, but put in the right situation under the right circumstances i wonder a lot of things. i suppose that's where ones personal insecurities might come into play. but no matter how secure or insecure one is, i don't feel they are going to become secure if there is nothing to anchor them. i am secure on many levels myself. i am very self-aware. however, put in certain situations i am more vulnerable than most. it's an amazing what a little assurance from one to another can do to improve a situation or a relationship.

i want to be more aware of things. there is nothing wrong with wondering and/or exploring, but sometimes trouble seems to be found by doing so. i am one who wants to improve and not always be in a state of questioning "everything". maybe, the winds of change are pushing me in this direction before am ready for the other changes that are undoubtedly up coming for me.